Invisible or just inconsequential?


Emmaleigh Kowal

I have always felt like an afterthought. While it is quite possible that this is all a figment of my imagination, created by unchecked anxiety, I still can’t help but be pulled in by that conniving voice in the back of my head that tells me people are only hanging out with me because they would feel bad if they didn’t.
I am under the conviction that people forget all about me as soon as I’m out of sight and, in some cases, even when I am sitting right in front of them. I had a teacher my freshman year who didn’t know what my name was or how to pronounce it. I eventually got tired of correcting him and went by Amelia for the rest of the year.
Freshman year was also the first year I ever attended public high school – I had spent the first half of my life homeschooled by my parents. I didn’t know anybody here and most people had already formed their friendship groups and didn’t have a place for one more. It took me a while, but I found my place and I cannot express how grateful I am for the people who showed me compassion and kindness when I was otherwise alone, struggling to find where I fit in this school. It was not until just last year that I formed close relationships with anyone, and then quarantine happened and I lost precious time that I could have spent with my friends before we graduate and life becomes a little bit too real.
I have grown tremendously since freshman year, forced out of my comfort zone by joining different clubs and organizations. Though I am involved in so much, people still have no idea who I am. While I typically enjoy staying out of the limelight, I also enjoy being recognized for my hard work.
Since the year is coming to an end and the chances of us seeing each other are slim, even in a town as small as Warsaw, I will leave you with some fun facts about me so when I’m famous you can tell people that you knew me.
1. I have three brothers, which is how people would address me. For example, I was “Evan’s sister” for two years – which did great things for my self esteem.
2. My name is spelled e-m-m-a-l-e-i-g-h and pronounced the same as Emily, hope that clears things up!
3. Just because I am quiet does not mean that I don’t have a lot to say – I just don’t feel like ruining friendships over minor disagreements and adding more stress to my life by hating or being hated by someone. As far as I’m aware, the only person who actively hates me is Haley.